MILT THOMAS

First of all, the internet isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be here in Vietnam. I only found out about the Vero Beach election results yesterday (Friday), so I can’t add much to what’s already been said. Congratulations to Amelia and Richard!

I have always wanted to come to Vietnam for several reasons. Having become familiar with Vietnam through often painful headlines during the 60s and 70s, I wanted to see what we fought for over here and what resulted. I also wanted to come because Vietnam was by all accounts a beautiful country and as a frequent traveler to exotic places, this had always been on my list. The third reason for coming here was to eat authentic Vietnamese food. I went to Thailand about seven years ago and have been a Thai food fanatic since then. According to my culinary, travel and literary hero, Anthony Bourdain, this is his favorite country for the food, the beauty and the people.

My trip began as all trips begin, with the frustrations of air travel. My wife packed for me since I will be gone for three weeks and my usual method of throwing clothes in the direction of an open suitcase probably would not work for this long a trip. She is a true artist at packing, the Seurat of suitcases if you get my point. I can only turn it into the artistry of a raging chimpanzee as I start substituting dirty for clean clothes as the trip progresses.

So I get to the airport and find that my suitcase is five pounds overweight. Would I like to take some items out to reduce the weight? Sure, I can stuff them in my pockets and I won’t get past security. Besides, this is a work of art that cannot be repaired if I disturb it in any way. Okay smart guy, the agent says, that will be $100.

This was at the Melbourne airport and I was flying to Atlanta, connecting to Seoul, South Korea and then to Hanoi. So I decided to check it through to Hanoi. I can hear the collective gasp of astonishment as you read this.

From that point until arriving in Hanoi, a total of 29 sleepless hours would pass. The flights themselves were typical fare traveling in steerage. I always request an aisle seat because I tend to get up and walk around frequently on long flights. I was not pleased to find out my travel agent put me in a center seat on the 15-hour leg from Atlanta to Seoul. No way, I said to the gate agent. The flight was full but he said stick around. I did and as they closed the flight, he came up with an aisle seat. I can imagine some poor traveler rushing to make this flight only to find his seat was given away. Sorry, buddy, but these are the rules.

However, all good deeds come with a price to pay. A Korean couple sat across the aisle from me with their toddler kid, who was laughing and crawling all over his parents while we sat at the gate, but the moment our plane lifted off the kid started screaming. I mean at a pitch that would shatter glass. This kid is destined to become an opera star or the next generation of scream queens in a Wes Craven Jr. movie.

Speaking of movies, I finally saw The Great Gatsby. It seemed to be better than I expected, but that may be due to the fact I couldn’t hear the dialogue. Even turning the volume to its highest level, I could not overcome that screaming Korean Roberta Peters. I did finally get her to shut up though, by getting up and walking to the back of the plane. No screaming kids there, but no seats either.

I never sleep on a plane, even on a 15-hour flight, so I then watched 42-the Jackie Robinson Story. I waited for at least a mention of Vero Beach, but it never happened. Good movie though. My third choice was Oblivion with Tom Cruise, which is where that movie will end up after it makes the in-flight entertainment circuit.

We finally arrived in Seoul and I have to say, service on Korean Air was excellent, even in steerage. But there were so many flight attendants standing by the aisles to say goodbye as we deplaned, it was like running a gauntlet of Stepford Wives, one goodbye morphing into the next goodbye.

All was worthwhile though, because my suitcase with all its carefully arranged necessities for the next three weeks were waiting for me in baggage claim. By the way, that toddler with the lungs started up again right into Oblivion.

There’s more to tell, but I was just evacuated to Saigon due to a Super Typhoon headed in our direction. Isn’t traveling fun?