Top 7 2019 predictions for Indian River County

SATIRICAL NEWS

MILT THOMAS

Prediction #1: Councilman Val Zudans has an epiphany after being visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve and promises to treat citizens, City staff and fellow Councilman with more respect in 2019.

Prediction #2: The 32963 Weekly will change its name to Indian River Shores News to better reflect its editorial focus.

Prediction #3: In other media news, Gannett will complete integration of the Press Journal, which will now be known as USA Today.

Prediction #4: Top response from a poll of Vero Beach voters about the February 26 special election is: “What election?”

Prediction #5: After failing to prevent completion of the high speed Virgin train, Indian River County will install speed bumps on tracks at the north and south county lines.

Prediction #6: Vero Beach City Council will have many issues to postpone in 2019: City Marina, Dodgertown Golf Course, Lagoon pollution, beachside parking garage, Saturday farmer’s market, among them.

Prediction #7: Scientists will merge DNA from the red tide and blue-green algae in time for Christmas to welcome winter visitors to the County’s polluted waterfront.

 

One comment

  1. Milt, Milt, Milt.
    I’m going to use my friendship with Mark and demand that you be replaced at once!!! Seriously, you hit these predictions out of the park. Thanks for a big smile and keep up the excellent work!!

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